In school when my math's teacher asked me to resolve a sum and I did successfully, I felt that success at my heart. When I was selected as a monitor of class I felt success. When playing a cricket match, my team won, I felt success. But did that getting 90% marks give me feeling that am successful, may be I felt that success in eyes of my parents but not at my heart.
I have grown up little more, I forgot what my heart wants but I started seeing what others like to see in me and made that goal of my life and made efforts to achieve that. Being a topper of class, excellent in speech, having good stamina in playing, looking handsome and charming, respecting elders and talking polite are the only qualities defines a "good kid". And not sure whether I had any of these but started seeing these in me and trying to make myself like this.
Though in these efforts I was giving part of time for myself: I was playing, watching movies, enjoying with friends, eating delicious food and call this as a BREAK time between my studies. Parents never used to ask me to extend my breaks but always asked to study more because you want to be doctor, engineer then only people will respect you or you will be successful. They were not wrong though, because if I just play and eat whole day, I would have said only one thing to myself
"I Destroyed the Time...Now the Time is destroying me".
But at this point of my life, I understood, only one thing, money can only make a people successful. This can be achieved not by doing wrong things but after getting a profession respected in society like doctor, MBA, engineer, CA and others and I screwed my breaks and started focusing on career to become one of those. Now my best friend with whom I like to play, become my best competitor. I started living Hypocrite life, where I used to study with my friends but expecting in heart to get more marks than them and this became my definition of success to score more than them.
And now when I got admission for Engineering, doctor or good higher education, I felt myself successful.
After reading until this, I am sure you might have realized the recap of movie 3 Idiots and expected a line "Kaamyabi ke peeche mat bhago, apne aap ko kaabil banao, to kamyabi apne aap tumhare paas aayegi" :-). Though tough to follow.
At this point of success, my expectation from life changed. I was assured now I can do something good out of my life. Now my parents were little relaxed as society started praising their son. Now I started dreaming something else. I felt I am grownup now. My life has now new friends and new dream of living life. I wanted to do what I have not done till date. I want to enjoy at extreme, I want to explore new places, try new things. Now studying was not painful, as now life was fun and breaks were studies. Now to have explored maximum new places, watching movies day and night, becoming smart and having good built became success definition of my life.
I have got new experience and learning of life during this time. I have got my good real friends and few friends who ditched me and made me learn the meaning of word being selfish. Now I understood meaning of line " Don't judge a book by its cover".
The best and memorable success of my life was getting a job and now I am independent.
Now what I thought always money makes people successful, I have that and started feeling my self successful. But this was the last moment of success for me, as my definition of success was only getting it more to leisure my life which is not a limit definition. I started putting more efforts of life Monday to Friday to be always in lime light to get promoted and to get higher wages and then to charge myself enjoyed Saturdays and Sundays without knowing what I am doing on these 2 days. But just spending my earned money was giving me happiness and motivation to work and to earn more.
Then I have grown higher in my life with my lifestyle as my account balance but with the increase of tensions in my life. Now where I used to be happy eating out at restaurant or watching movie, became my daily habits. Now to go out, was not to explore new places but to capture photos and put on facebook. Now working out was not for myself, but to impress girls to marry me. I was not scared of failing, I was frustrated sometimes because of surroundings. And learnt always keep positive and good hearted/motive people around you. But again do we have choice or destiny decide for us.
At this point for any of my activity I have self motive behind it.
I was with people whom I knew were selfish and wrong, but I have not had choice to accept or reject as I was into my own so much. There was time I used to enjoy with friends and spend money, now I started worrying about my future. Now wanted big house, sports car, vacations in foreign country and beautiful wife and lots of time to spend with her. Those became my success definition.
Now the motivational movies and speech motivates to do things which I want to do from my heart and to feel really happy about it. And then I do those things and which really satisfies me, but made me stand wrong in some other people's eyes and I got scared am I doing something wrong. I have made judgmental people around me, with whose judgment I think I am right or wrong.
But here is the main catch: "We are the best lawyers for our self and best judge for others"
So I always thought my actions are right and started fighting with my self.
Thoughts started rising more and time for execution started going less which made me learn a term "STRESS". I forgot that lesser the traffic of thoughts in mind easier is the life to live. Emotions around me made me more weak. I started feeling I have lots of burden on my shoulder and lots of pain. I wanted peace now at my mind. I do want to plan more things and want to be satisfied. I want now to stop at this moment of life and enjoy the moment fully. I do not want people now with their benefit around me but needed real hands of friends and family to be relaxed.
I wanted to take tough decisions of my life and live on my terms just where my SUCCESS is peace, but the moment I put my step on that escalator, I got scared with the future. If I stop myself here, stop chasing my dreams will there be PEACE or frustration. And to be honest it can only give frustration in todays world.
What to do? Where to step next? What should be my dream? With whom I should be with?
Questions!!!Questions!!!Questions!!!Questions!!!Questions!!!
Answer was inside me but was not ready to accept it. Now my dreams have overcome my peaceful soul and not ready to accept that and also vice versa as my heart was not finding success with my dreams. Now I am living life on 2 boats, where I was not able to judge where to put myself onto.
Sometimes I thought let the things go on as it comes but it just let time pass but not helping me with decision.
Now unable to judge whether I am successful or not successful. Just one thought felt to be very true:
"If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all...."
So my next decision in life will be towards my dream but only where my heart feels really happy not for the sake of world or emotions.
"Dilon me tum apni betabiyan leke chal rahe ho,to zinda ho tum
Nazar me
khwaabon ki bijliyan leke chal rahe ho,to zinda ho tum
Hwa ke jhokon ke jaise
aazad rehno sekho
Tum ek dariya ke jaise lehron mein behna sekho
Hr ek
lamhe se tum milo khole apni baahein
Hr ek pal ek nya sama dekhe
nigahein
Jo apni ankhon mein hairanian leke chal rahe ho,to zinda ho
tum
Dilon mein tum apni betabian leke chal rahe ho,to zinda ho tum"
